


all these things that i've done (in bed)

by seventhstar



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Eros Katsuki Yuuri, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Sex, Sexual Experimentation, Victor and Chris's Questionable Sex Adventures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 16:21:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10666362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seventhstar/pseuds/seventhstar
Summary: Once upon a time, Chris and Viktor embarked on several terrifyingly weird sexual adventures. Which would be fine, except that Yuuri now has to hear about their exploits every time Chris hangs out with them.He's just slightly intimidated.





	all these things that i've done (in bed)

1.

“So,” Chris asked. “Now that you and Yuuri are engaged, I can tell him all our stories, right?”

“Yuuri, everything Chris tells you is a lie.”

Yuuri was _immediately concerned._

He’d heard the rumors about Chris and Viktor, of course. Who hadn’t? But Viktor had assured him that there had never been anything romantic between them.

In retrospect, Yuuri probably should have asked more questions.

“What about Budapest?”

“Doesn’t count, I was wearing a medal.”

“Sochi?”

“Doesn’t count, we were at the Olympics.”

“Doesn’t count?” Yuuri asked.

“I can’t be held responsible for anything I might have done at the Olympics. Or while wearing a medal. Or during 2014.”

“Right,” Yuuri said. He was not at all sure that that was right, or even logical, but he didn’t want to waste time arguing with him about now. Chris was still talking.

“The ski resort?” At Viktor’s questioning look, he continued, “You know, with the straws and the drinking chocolate and the bleaching?”

Viktor looked pained. “Why would you tell anyone that story? Besides, it wasn’t my fault, I was bored and we were out of vodka.”

“Well,” Chris tapped his lip with a fingertip. He was grinning. “What about —”

Yuuri buried his face in Viktor’s shoulder. “Please don’t tell me anything.”

 

 

 

[”So, this doesn’t count, right?” Yuuri asks. They’re lying on the floor of the hotel room, mostly dressed, Yuuri’s gold medal cold against his bare chest. Viktor blinks at him. He’s always useless right after sex, like his brain needs time to reboot.

“What?”

Yuuri taps his medal.

“No,” Viktor says. “It doesn’t.” He reaches out and lifts the medal over Yuuri’s head. It dangles from his fingertip; he lets it fall to the carpet. Yuuri shifts, feels the floor scrape against his back. He’s gonna have rugburn later.

He kisses Yuuri gently.

“Guess we’ll have to do it again,” Viktor says, and Yuuri is still kind of worried that Viktor’s sexual experience is so expansive that he had to disqualify some of it, but Viktor’s fingers are tugging at his pants and his mouth is on Yuuri’s neck and it’s time to stop thinking.]

 

 

 

2.

“Can I tell him about Paris?”

Viktor frowned. He stared into his glass. “About your birthday orgy or the thing with the librarians?”

“Um,” Yuuri said. He really needed to stop going drinking with Chris and Viktor. He filed ‘birthday orgy’ away as a phrase he never wanted to hear again. “Librarians?”

“I ended being Chris’s model for an impromptu bondage lesson,” Viktor said. He flexed his wrist. Yuuri tried to imagine that, succeeded, and quietly downed the rest of his beer.

“And then one of them blew him,” Chris added. “Which is how a lot of nights with Viktor seem to end, really.”

“I need another drink,” Yuuri said faintly. He didn’t bother with a second beer. Chris had promised he’d drink with them all night; it was only nine, but Yuuri already needed tequila.

 

 

 

[Later, Viktor teaches him how to tie the knots in the velvety black rope he’s brought along with him. He ties Viktor’s wrists to the headboard, and wonders if they’re going to end up having to pay damages to the hotel. Again.

He’s so nervous he’s sweating through his shirt, but Viktor looks unafraid, confident, trusting. He arches his back, tilting his hips towards Yuuri in a silent invitation.

“Hold still,” Yuuri mumurs, and Viktor does.]

 

 

 

3.

“How did Masumi and you meet?” Yuuri asked. He was proud of himself for finally coming up with a topic of conversation that in no way could be twisted around to a description of Viktor’s sexual history.

“Viktor’s dick.”

“What?” _Oh god,_ Yuuri thought, _another threesome story._

“Well, you know about Viktor’s superpower.” CHris took in Yuuri’s flummoxed expression. “No? He’s really good at getting hot guys to suck his dick, I don’t know why.”

“Uh.” Yuuri mentally replayed his and Viktor’s entire sexual history. Was it weird that he hadn’t blown Viktor? Was he supposed to have? Was there a good time to ask, _hey, have you been waiting for me to give you a blowjob this entire time but I haven’t noticed because when we’re in bed together I occasionally lose my mind?_

“Hey, Viktor, why do you always end up getting blown in the bathroom?”

“Maccachin doesn’t like having strangers in the apartment and going home with strangers at the club is how you get murdered,” Viktor replied.

Yuuri had gone home with strangers at the club in Detroit and never been murdered. Wanted to die, sure. Wanted to commit a murder, absolutely. Stranded in a bad part of town with no wallet, no phone, and no pants, unfortunately yes.

“You could blow _them._ ”

“Excuse me? These pants are Gucci.”

“Anyways,” Chris went on. “Masumi was one of Viktor’s conquests, only I walked in on them, and then I felt about interrupting so I offered to blow him, and Masumi turned me down but we ended up talking about his honors thesis all night instead. And the rest is history.”

“You’re such a romantic, Chris,” Viktor said, laughing.

“Viktor, you moved to Japan after dancing with Yuuri once and spent eight months pining.”

“That’s fine.” Viktor squeezed Yuuri’s hand. He squeezed back. Their rings glinted in the light. “It all worked out in the end.”

 

 

 

[Down on his knees, Yuuri digs his nails into Viktor’s thighs and mouths at him. He swears he’d done this before, should be able to do it without any problems now, but he keeps remembering what Chris said earlier and losing his composure.

He wants Viktor to think of him, and only him.

WHen Viktor finally comes it’s a surprise and Yuuri nearly chokes. It’s the final indignity in what he’s sure was an incompetent performance. His knees hurt now. Viktor’s fingers press reassuringly against his scalp.

“Sorry,” Yuuri gasps as he wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. “I keep thinking — how can I be as good as everyone else who —”

“Oh, darling, no,” Viktor says, and he slides down the wall and folds Yuuri into his arms.]

 

 

 

4.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Chris said. Yuuri tensed. “Phichit, do you want to be in our blackmail ring?”

“Your what?” Phichit asked. He sounded more curious than alarmed, which was the opposite of how Yuuri felt.

“Chris and I collect information to blackmail people in the figure skating world,” Viktor explained. “Like that ISU official last year.”

“The one who got arrested? You did that?”

“He’s the one who committed a felony. I just, ah, reported it.” Chris shrugged. “Also, I told his wife about his affairs.”

“Chris doesn’t approve of infidelity,” Viktor explained.

“Who does?” Phichit said. “Who else have you blackmailed?”

“Viktor destroyed Mark Sullivan.”

“I didn’t destroy him, I just reminded him that if he didn’t shut up about how gay people are going to hell on Twitter I’d send Buzzfeed all the text messages he sent me.”

“…what exactly did he send you?” Yuuri asked.

“Pictures of his dick. Bible verses. Pick up lines about how he wanted to wreck my ass like God wrecked Sodom and Gomorrah.” Viktor does air quotes around that horrifying simile.

“No!” Phichit yelled. “Oh my god. You’re not serious.” His hand twitched towards his phone; Yuuri slapped it away.

“He is serious,” Yuuri said. “Viktor’s really bad at lying.”

Viktor shrugged expansively. He downed the last of his hotel coffee and made a face at it. He was such a snob, Yuuri thought fondly. He was cute. Even if he had apparently spent all his free time in the past ten years having questionable sexual adventures.

“He is good at having his ass wrecked, though,” Chris said. Viktor looked up from where he and Phichit were flipping through each other’s phones. Yuuri regretted introducing them.

“I know.” Yuuri flushed and clamped a hand over his mouth. “I mean…”

“You mean what?” Viktor asked.

Yuuri looked at him slyly. “I mean, Phichit’s a lot better at keeping secrets than Chris is.” He licked hsi lips. “But if you’re good, someday I’ll tell you all about _my_  past.”

He leaned back and sipped at his water to hide his smile. Hopefully Phichit hadn’t posted any photographic evidence of the strip club incident. Maybe he’d tell Viktor the story sometime.

Maybe he’d just surprise Viktor with a lap dance and see if he could blow his mind so hard he forgot to ask any questions.

 

 

 

[Viktor tells him all night how hot he is, how filthily he moves, how he’s the sexiest man alive. He lets Yuuri undo him with friction and without shame. Yuuri doesn’t let Viktor touch him; he rolls his hips against him and watches Viktor’s knuckles whiten as he holds onto the chair.

“You’re full of surprises,” Viktor whispers to him afterwards, when they’re cleaning each other up and debating whether to scandalously order post-coital room service at three am. Viktor is hungry; Yuuri is convinced the hotel staff are gossiping about them.

“I’m not completely inexperienced.”

“I am,” Viktor says. Yuuri opens his mouth to correct him. “I’ve never been with anyone I loved before.”

Yuuri hasn’t, either. Not like this. He lets Viktor order them a dessert their nutritionist would kill them for eating, and he lets Viktor feed it to him in bed, and when Viktor teases him about Chris inviting them to his birthday orgy Yuuri just shakes his head.]

 

 

 

[Viktor doesn’t regret most of things he did in the past, exactly. He was young and on top of the world and attractive, and he and Chris were reasonably careful. It was nice, sometimes, to lose himself in someone else and not have to be Viktor Nikiforov for a while. It felt good. And if it filled up whatever void of sadness was in him, that was a bonus.

But the void always came back.

He understands now, of course, that what he wanted from other people wasn’t sex but love; he understands how to check that dark feeling inside himself better.

But there’s no comparing his past indiscretions with what it’s like to be with Yuuri. When Yuuri’s with him, Viktor doesn’t worry about falling apart or holding it together, about being himself or pretending. It’s true Eros: pleasure upon pleasure, until they drown in it.

They’re safe with each other, and for Viktor that’s the most satisfying thing of all.]

**Author's Note:**

> I firmly believe that Chris and Viktor were platonic sex buddies for a long time. Viktor definitely strikes me as a "sex will fill the emptiness in my heart" kind of person, to be honest, while Chris...Chris just wants to have a good time and instead feels extremely attacked by all the people who insist slapping your own ass isn't a valid artistic choice.
> 
> On the other hand, Yuuri had time to learn to pole dance and time to discover Drunk!Yuuri was a disaster, and he lived with Phichit so he probably learned that lesson the hard way.
> 
> Talk to me about YOI at @pencilwalla on tumblr! And please comment below!


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